Sitting, Waiting, Wishing.....

I pray that everyone's Thanksgiving was what you hoped for.

Here is the recent ponderings....
When do you decide you have beat on the wall long enough....that nothing is going to knock it down....? Sure, you have made it through several very thick feet of that long-standing structure, but there are still several layers of pain, hurt, distrust, ...issues.... to go. Each layer is thicker and stronger than the last.

Hell, you have your own wall to contend with. You don't see anyone trying to knock it down...why are you spending so much time on someone else's.....?

normal....typical......usual......

Normal......Typical.......Usual.......

These three words have haunted me most of my life.  Normal....typical....usual.....

Webster's Dictionary defines normal as: conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern. The definition of typical: conforming to a type......usual: commonly or ordinarily used.

The two words that stick out most of these definitions are 'conforming' and 'ordinarily.' When someone says, "Why can't she just act or be like the other 'normal' kids?" or "Why can't you two have a 'typical' kind of relationship?" it makes me wonder several things. 

1. Why do we as people strive to be 'ordinary' and 'conforming'?

2. Why do those who do their own thing or are open about their beliefs or opinions, despite the differences of those from the majority of the group, end up becoming labeled as "unusual" or "abnormal"?

3. Why do people associate happiness with being "normal" or "typical" or "usual"?

I don't have the 'typical' home with a husband plus 2 kids. I don't have the 'normal' commute to work. I don't have the 'usual' type of relationship with my ex-husband full of animosity and hatred. I don't have the 'typical' 68 year old father. 

I don't strive to be different or unusual. I don't intentionally make my opinions or emotions so visibly apparent.

I don't consider myself 'ordinary' and I hope that no one strives to be that way. 

Abnormal....Atypical.....Unusual..... = EXTRAORDINARY....!

Momentary update....

It has been a little while since my last post. So here is an update on what's going on with me....

My spring break is coming up soon....thank god!! It is the last week of March. I don't get to travel anywhere since Drew's break will be the week before mine. So, my goal is to stick around the house and maybe do some home improvements. This presents a challenge for me though since I have absolutely zero decorating sense. I don't want to do anything drastic, just maybe start adding a little color to my walls. I am going to start with Drew's bedroom I think. This way, at least, if I completely screw it up he really won't give two shits since he is only 7, and a boy.

I am convinced that God knew that I would not be able to deal with a picky, pink-loving girl so he blessed me with a boy. Boys present their own challenges, though. For instance, I recently received a note from his teacher accompanied by a "pink slip". Drew thought it would be funny to flip the "bird" at his friend from across the classroom in the middle of a social studies lesson. Now, if I had been the teacher at that moment I would have incorporated that into the lesson somehow. I mean, it was social studies.....he was being social.

When I return to work from spring break I will only have about a month left of the spring semester. It is going to be a damn busy month though. I will be up to my ears in assignments, projects, and research papers to grade. The last 3 to 4 weeks of every semester is when you probably want to stay as far away from me as possible between Monday and Friday. It amazes me that I always have those students who have fucked off all semester come crawling in and begging for some way they can make-up work. Sure, there is that little tinge of reminiscent college student in me that kind of sympathizes with them. We have all been there at least once in our college career. Then the sleep-deprivation and the countless hours of reading god-awful grammar kicks in. I realize that it would be one less assignment that I would have to dredge through and try to make some kind of sense out of. So, I almost have to force myself to keep a straight face when I tell them that it ain't happenin'.

Final grades are to be turned in to the registrar on May 6, graduation is the evening of May 8. I have to drag out all of my graduation regalia to wear to the ceremony. Yeah, I have to wear the cap and gown and the long ass hood thingy that I wore when I graduated with my Master's degree. That god-awful cap that I have to bobby pin to my head....ugh!! It is actually rather amusing to see other faculty members in all of their "pomp and circumstance" attire. Some of the more egotistical one's have spent the extra money to have the "special" kind of caps and all of their other accessories. The cap, gown, and the hood are enough for me!!

I have already committed to teaching some in the summer. I am probably going to kick myself in the ass for it, but....at least it is some extra money. Who couldn't use that??

Horses, weirdoes, and well needed girl time....

Ashley, Me, Wendy (best hairdresser ever!!), Tammie, and Deanette

So, the weekend was fun!! It was a nice little getaway. I got to hang out and get to know some new friends. We left Forrest City Saturday morning around 10:15. We were supposed to leave around 8:30, but that didn't happen. We got to the hotel around noon, then off to the horse track!

After the 10 races were over I ended up being down only $10. So it was a good, fun day (better than a few weeks ago when I lost a total of $150!) So, the track was fun!!

Went to Lucky's Saturday night. If you haven't been there, you need to go. Phenomenal people watching, you see people from every walk of life. The funniest part of my night was when I told this dude who asked me to dance (seriously 15 times), "If you fucking ask me to dance one more fucking time I am going to blow my top!" Needless to say, he didn't ask anymore...LOL. My friend Ashley always busts out laughing when almost ANYTHING happens, good or bad. It is hard to keep a straight face when she is around. I was very irritated at that guy, she was standing there when I went off on him and she busts out laughing. She doesn't have a quiet, easily overlooked laugh either. It is a very loud, ear piercing laugh that you can hear for miles. Dolphins could hear that laugh!! So, of course I start laughing too. Poor guy!! I rip him a new one and then we start laughing at him. He had on a t-shirt that was two sizes too small and on it read, "shouldn't you be on a ledge somewhere?" I really hope that he isn't on one!

It was a great weekend!

Decisions, penis overstock, and girl time....

Ok....I am getting past the whole streak of bad luck occurrences...at least trying to. I am still staying away from ladders and black cats though.

Decisions....good grief life is full of them, and why do they have to be so damn permanent? Too bad there isn't one of those Mr. Clean Magic Erasers for bad decisions. Oops, I married a jack ass....let's get out the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser!! Oops, I took a dead-end job....let's get out the eraser. Oops, I decided to become a prostitute..... http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2009/feb/06/crime-report-woman-raped-apartment-complex-raleigh/(thanks Clark!).


I am looking forward to the weekend. I am going to spend it in Hot Springs with one of my best friends and some new girl friends that I have become acquainted with recently. I am in desperate need of some girl time!! I have way too many penis's surrounding me....my son, my boyfriend, my ex-husband (ugh!), my dad, two uncles who I am close to (I have very little family left), and two male dogs....that is 8! There is no other estrogen dominant individual around to help me in the never ending task of keeping the lives of 8 males together, while ensuring them that they are the reason I get through my days...(yeah, right!).

So, keep an eye out for some pictures in the future. I actually remembered to pack a camera!!

and the bearer of bad luck strikes AGAIN!!!

Shortly after my last post, things got better. Now, don't fret thinking that some major disaster has happened in my life or something absolutely horrible has occurred. All of the "bad luck" strikes have been rather small things.....just a freaking lot of them!! So, now I am sick with a bad cold, several of my old friends have really gone off of their rockers, almost every piece of electrical equipment I touch goes haywire, and then of course to top the last couple of weeks off my dogs dug under my privacy fence yesterday and were chillin' in my neighbor's back yard and a random kid puked on my shoe in Wal Mart last night.....

So, how's your YEAR going???

Seriously....is the year of the evil twin??

My astrological sign is Gemini...the twins. I have always liked the fact that I am a Gemini, fun loving, caring, soft-hearted, good listener....well fooooiee!!! BIG FAT FOOOOIE!! Apparently this may be the year of the evil twin.....

If I have one more occurrence of bad luck this year...(I remind you that this is only the 4th week of 2009..) I think I am going to absolutely go into complete hibernation!!! Hibernate until 2010!!!

If the old saying, "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger," is true. I should be freaking Sheera...or Wonder Woman....

Ugh!!!

I'm Back.....

Well, I have returned to blogging after an extended sabbatical. I have to thank one of my best friends for bringing me back. I had forgotten the therapeutic benefits that blogging brings, at least for me. So, here we are...it's 2009. Kind of crazy how the time flies. It seems it gets faster and faster the older I get. I can remember my parents telling me that when I was younger and me just laughing it off as senility. It is true though...very true.


Now let's study that concept....time. We all know that time literally doesn't go by faster the older we get, but it does seem so. Why is that? As children we want to be bigger, taller, stronger, older. It seems like it will never get here. Time just slowly ticks by...now as we are older we look back and think "gosh, that seems like just yesterday.." even if it was twenty years ago. Is it that we get so preoccupied with making ourselves better for the future that we don't stop to take in the present?? Think about it...your goal in elementary school is to get to the next grade, the same goes for middle school and junior high. Graduation from high school becomes our next goal. We go to college with the long-term goal of acquiring a degree which should help us land that job, which will help us buy that house, which will provide shelter for our spouse and children. Then we are looking to the future and saving for our children's college education. All of this, of course, winding around all of the barriers and obstacles we encounter, hopefully not knocking us too far off of our course.


Then that day comes....you wake up to a house with no children, wrinkles, gray hair, saggy boobs and a spouse that passes more toxic fumes from his backside than a trash barge headed down the Mississippi. And you think..."where did the time go??"

My point is this....don't forget to take TODAY in...good or bad. Take it in, you never know what you might discover about yourself if you just stop for a second, take a deep breath, look around take it all in. God created this beautiful piece of art called Earth not for us to rush through day after day, but for all of us to appreciate and be in awe of. Stop and smell the roses....really...I mean it. Watch your children sleep, soak up their toothless grins, their dirty faces, their innocence...fill your memory bank with it all.

Reach for the stars, nothing is unattainable if you WANT it....you have got to be willing to work for it though. Nothing comes free.....

We all know life isn't easy. For some it becomes almost unbearable at times. We all have a purpose here....a reason. We just have to slow down just a bit sometimes so we don't miss those road signs pointing us in the right direction.

God Bless.....